Here is an article coauthored with my colleague, Vicki Carpel Miller, B.S.N., L.M.F.T.
Disappointment occurs so frequently in the area of dating and love relationships; a person deserves to experience it as a blessing rather than a burden. The key to this shift in perception rests in conscious and gentle decision-making when dealing with unsatisfying relationships so that you can effectively use disappointment rather than allow disappointment to use you.
Conventionally, disappointment signifies some form of personal betrayal or failure in the fulfillment of your life goals and hopes. Disappointing dating or relationship scenarios can happen with certain predictability. An online prospect backs out of a date at the last-minute; you find out after the fact that your boyfriend has been previously married and didn’t disclose this information to you; your partner goes back to a former lover; you find that your wife is a closet alcoholic; the person you’ve been dating asks you for a loan after 2 weeks; you overhear a woman at the health club talking about her last evening’s date with your boyfriend; your spouse is having an extramarital affair. At these relationship crossroads, you are spiritually challenged to integrate the ensuing disappointment with a style that does not lessen faith in yourself as a valued and lovable person.
While disappointment is typically defined as a betrayal or failure, the etymology of the word itself actually denotes the state of not being appointed or chosen. When you utilize this definition from the spiritual side of your personality, you can perceive a far more empowering picture. Please read on.
A “calling” while dating or participating in an ongoing relationship serves a higher purpose in human interconnectedness. You are here to positively touch the lives of certain people and you are not here to touch the life of everyone who comes your way. When a potential partner goes on to someone else, you can precariously judge it as your failure and your betrayal, or you can embrace the universal perspective that it is everyone’s success when someone feels connected with another. You can then perceive it as acceptable that another person is the chosen one for that particular other. Concurrrently, you are obviously the chosen one for someone else who is only waiting for you to free yourself of negative self-talk so they may openly be invited into your sphere of influence.
It is important to stay conscious of the spiritual nature of relationships which is to be in connection with others. When disappointment occurs against this frame of reference, you can utilize it to peacefully let go of someone you may love, but who would be better served elsewhere. In so doing, you simultaneously magnetize and attract to yourself the person who is a better match for you. Have a little faith in yourself, redefine your disappointment and you may very well be chosen.