Mother’s Day is typically celebrated for loving mothers everywhere. The day is dedicated for remembering all the sacrifices and kindnesses mothers, old and young, have demonstrated to their offspring.
But for many children, Mother’s Day is a myth. It is a fantasy; an idea or illusion a child wistfully carries in their mind, but never truly experienced. The population of these children who are older, are the ones who linger by the Hallmark cards for long periods of time: reading and replacing; reading and replacing. They finally settle for some benign message that ultimately says “Have a Nice Day”, but nothing more. This blog is dedicated to all those children. There are plenty of them out there and, for them, Mother’s Day can trigger some powerfully painful emotions.
The children who contend with Mother’s Day Mythology are usually the children who have not received love via compassion from their moms. They may have been overtly or covertly abused. They may have been overtly or covertly neglected. They may have even received some virtuous traits from their mom’s role modeling, but they still suffer. Many are in therapy or many need to be. Sad children, young and old, affected by insensitive mothers and who may now struggle with attachment challenges, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, …too many adverse effects to list here.
Here is what I want to say to children who have not yet risen above their maternal yearning:
- You are a lovable and valuable human being.
- You are whole and nothing is missing.
- You have special gifts and talents that deserve to be encouraged.
- You deserve unconditional love and regard.
- You are not to blame because your Mom struggled in her parental role; she probably wasn’t mothered very well, herself.
- You are not to blame that you may not have loving feelings for your Mother.
- You can blame your Mother every which way from Mother’s Day and it won’t change a thing for you, unless you change.
- You can grieve the loss of a loving mother, whether your Mom is alive or not.
- You can still find a loving mother-symbol in other relationships.
- You can still be a wonderful Mother, even if you didn’t have one.
- You can forgive your Mother and release yourself from the myth.
- You have strength, wisdom, determination and fortitude as a direct result of your painful mother-experience.
- You have everything it takes to be your own loving mother.
I humbly and respectfully invite any child of this particular experience to add to this list. I am certain there are many more attributes to be shared. You deserve to be heard on Mother’s Day.
If you have or had the gift of a loving mother, please take a minute and send some loving thoughts to all the children who wish they did too.
Thank you for reading my blog and Happy Mother’s Day.